


Shitty Gotham Headcanons

by jessepinkmans



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Aliens, Gen, Hands, Laptops, Phones, Technology, Texting, space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-03 13:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10968417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessepinkmans/pseuds/jessepinkmans
Summary: this is just my dump of thoughts about unnecessary headcanons that no one asked for ! comment if you want to see someone specific added, if you want a specific subject covered, or if I should do another fandom headcanons fic





	1. Phones/Laptops/Tech

Nygma probably carries his laptop everywhere. Like he probably has a super expensive leather laptop case and you have to literally tear him away from technology. Always adds a subject to his texts because they're "important and professional". Completely proper punctuation and grammar and he won't hesitate to correct others'.

 

Jim only uses his laptop and phone for work and his girlfriend. He hates using technology for reasons that aren't useful.

 

Harvey watches a ton of porn on his laptop I bet. accidentally sends porn links to the gcpd group chat instead of links to the online case archive. He likes watching life hack videos on YouTube and always tries them even though they don't really work.

 

Kringle is that girl that like "what's ur password? I need to know if ur cheating on me." And then when you give it to her and she finds nothing, she refuses to give you her phone. too many abbreviations and never has proper grammar. She uses a lot of makeup tutorials but never for work

 

Bruce is so tech savvy but he's literally the _dryest_ , worst texter ever for real. No emojis, proper everything, no pictures or anything. And the texts are _long._

 

Selina uses emojis and memes in literally every texts. A literal shitpost on every social media site. Has links to donation sites in her bios. She probably takes a lot of selfies and annoys the hell out of Bruce with it.

 

Oswald adds everyone to groupchats and gets sad when people leave but then adds more people. It's a never ending cycle, but Jim and Ed never leave, so sometimes it's only them.

 

Jerome always capitalizes his acronyms (ex. LOL, TBH, NGL, LMAO) very obsessive about getting Bruce but literally no one cares but him. Bruce has had his accounts taken down several times out of spite.

 

Victor Zsasz has at least two phones. One for work and one for other things. It's a safety precaution and he's broken several phones on purpose for the same reasons. iPhone defender because the graphics and design is cleaner. He does a lot of online shopping in his free time.

 

Victor Fries, however, has a love hate relationship with phones and such. He loves the whole quick-and-easy aspect, but hates all the upgrades and downloads needed to keep things up to speed. He prefers phone calls over text and everyone hates it.


	2. Space

Ed is in love with space. He thinks about the stars and the sky and the endless possibilities of what's up there. He's probably taken one of his girlfriends star gazing out on the roof of his apartment and it was the best thing ever. 

 

Harvey is a firm believer of aliens. He even called nasa one time and asked if they were real and he still never stops talking about how they hung up the phone. He still thinks nasa is a snakey bitch.

 

Jim thinks Harvey is full of shit and doesn't believe in any sort of other intelligent life out there. He does believe in alternate universes and parallel universes, however. 

 

Kringle went stargazing and she honestly couldn't see anything. She fell asleep and when she woke up, her partner asked what she thought of the stars, and she said she loved them.

 

Bruce had an alien poster on his wall once and he thought it was so cool up until he saw that video of the alien crawling on the roof. He took the poster down.

 

Selina has the poster that Bruce threw away and sometimes she tapes it to the outside of his window so that when he wakes up he sees it and it's the funnies thing ever, but she will admit that the video is pretty freaky.

 

Oswald sees the appeal of space but never really got into it himself. He does believe in aliens but he thinks theyre All hostile.

 

Jerome thinks that one day everything in space is going to fall into the earth and kill everyone someday and he honestly doesn't even care

 

Victor (Zsasz) tries not to think too much about space but he finds it interesting and will listen when people talk to him about it. When he was a kid he considered being an astronaut but his parents probably shot him down for being a nerd lmao

 

Victor Fries could possibly live in space and he thinks about it all the time. He wants to go but no one will let him and he has so much unrepented angst towards everyone about it.


	3. Chapter 3

Nygma has really soft hands but his fingerprints are literally gone?? The chemicals he works with all day burned them off and it's the weirdest thing. His nails are pretty long for a guy but they're also smooth and filed neatly.

 

Both Jim and Harvey have coarse hands and they're always covered in some form of dirt or blood or smth else of the sort.

 

Kringle has soft hands as well and paints her fingernails a new colour like every week. Except they're not her fingernails, they're the acrylic kind.

 

Bruce's hands are always soft??? And they're never dirty??? It's surreal and even Alfred thinks it odd for a kid to wash and use lotion so much. His nails are really small but long at the same time.

 

Selina's hands are so coarse. She uses hand sanitizer way too much though, just for the sake of using it. Short, yet near nails that always have a little dirt underneath.

 

Oswald is always wearing gloves so his hands are literally so soft. He has a ton of gloves and he's so proud of it. Medium long nails maybe??

 

Jeromes hands are literally the worse. They're coarse, and dirty, and always have gunpowder on them. It's like no one ever told him that washing his hands wasn't going to hurt him. His nails are also the worst, most choppy you've ever seen.

 

Victor Zsasz has the cleanest, thinnest, and boniest hands. His nails are immaculately trimmed. It's a little scary. You know those "aesthetic" tumblr pictures of pale bony hands? That's Zsasz.

 

Of course, Fries has cold hands. They're pale gray and probably pretty rough. I imagine that they're a lil veiny and his nails are long.


	4. Bakery

Nygma literally l i v e s for baked goods. Sweet foods are his favourite. If it has chocolate in it he's going to eat it, even if it's bad.

 

Jim loves pie. On his birthday he get pies instead of cakes. It's actually kinda gross how much pie he eats in a month.

 

Harvey will literally nut if you give him a tray of brownies. Really, ANYTHING chocolate with make him so happy .

 

Kringle likes weird, foreign, expensive pastries. And she will never go to the same bakery twice. It's weird.

 

Bruce like sweet foods, but he can't eat too much or he'll feel sick. The only times he really eats cake is on his birthday.

 

Selina will eat literally anything inside a bakery. One time Bruce bought her some kind of French cake thing and she legit was in heaven. She always goes to the same bakery and they know her by name at this point probably.

 

Oswald really only likes cake. He won't binge on it though. He's the most casual eater of everyone. He does like to buy pastries for his friends though.

 

Jerome really like donuts. Especially when they're homemade. But he finds the "plain donuts" a disgrace because they're nasty and not even donuts really.

 

Zsasz actually enjoys old fashioned donuts and really simple pastries, but he only eats them around once a month.

 

Fries doesn't really eat baked goods aside from fresh breads and the occasional muffin from family owned bakeries.

**Author's Note:**

> comment for specific characters, subjects, or fandoms!


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